Monday, May 18, 2009

Can't shake the anxiety...

You know that pit in your stomach feeling and you immediately feel nauseous? That's me right now.

Just got a message from a girl who my husband talked to a few weeks ago, regarding son. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but husband has made contact with some of the people son has been staying with. He doesn't ask any questions, other than how son is, and he does this in the hopes that they would call us if there was some emergency- also to let them know that son has a family that cares deeply for him and his safety.

Anyway, her message said that she saw son today and wanted to let us know that he's okay. She then said that if it was okay she'd like to bring him over in the next few days because she thinks we should see him. Of course my first thought is that he looks really bad and that we should know. When son's ex-gf called the other day, she mentioned that he's real thin. I know this is all to be expected, but of course I don't dwell on these things normally, for exactly this reason- makes me sick to my stomach of what drugs are doing to my son! Wouldn't you know, husband is out of town. I called him right away and gave him the girl's number. I just don't feel strong enough to call her and get/hear details. Husband said he'd try and arrange for her to bring him Friday, when we can both be home.

If he looks terrible and is ready for help, then I'm okay. But, I don't want to see him looking awful and then have him just leave again, back out to using!

I just had to come here and post, in hopes of feeling better and rid some of this anxiety. My chest literally hurts with worry...


  1. Hang in there. Talking about it is probably the best thing you can do right now since you really don't know how things are going to go on Friday. All I can say is I hope that in whatever happens you are able to find serenity for yourself in the fact that you are doing the best that you can. I am really thinking of you. I am dealing with different, but at the same time similar things so I really, really feel for you. Take care of yourself and know that you are in my thoughts.

  2. Thanks, Gin. I need to make the Serenity Prayer my mantra today. I get myself all worked up and who knows- may not even see son on Friday. Thank you for the support and prayers for you and your situation.

  3. The Serenity Prayer and the third step prayers are good mantras. Hang in there.

  4. Just goes to show you... I was all in a tizzy with worrying how my son would look. All for nothing, as he looked the same when I did see him last week!

    Lesson learned on this one. No more awfulizing or future tripping for me, it serves no purpose but to cause me anxiety.

  5. ((((safe hugs))))
    I know this is after the fact....
    Blessings dear one!