My first blog...
I want to thank Ron for encouraging me to do this! I've contemplated it for a while, but always put if off. Finally I thought, "If not now, when?" Besides, I've benefitted from silently reading other's blogs that it feels time to contribute and maybe help some other hurting parent know that they are not alone.
The quick version of my story is that my 21 yr. old son is addicted to smoking heroin. I am married, to the same man for 24 yrs., and we also have a 19 yr. old son- who does not have addiction issues. I do not know my son's full story, as he is currently in active addiction. I do know that he started smoking pot the summer before he started high school. God only knows what he's all done the past 7 years, and I'd like to keep it that way- I don't want to know. We knew things weren't "right," and it caused much stress in our marriage as I was the one wanting to confront and seek help, whereas hubby kept saying, "kids will be kids, and he'll grow out of it," I wasn't buying that- call it Mother's intuition or whatever- but I felt there was something more serious going on. Fast forward to a year ago, when his dad found him nodded off in his truck with a meth pipe in his lap, on his lunch hour. He was working for us at the time. I'll never forget the phone call from my husband, him crying, telling me that they were both on their way home with something to tell me. When they arrived, son said he was glad that we finally knew the truth because he wanted to quit but was too embarrassed to ask us for help. From that day forward, we did everything WRONG. We were truly uneducated when it came to addiction and recovery. We immediately put him in a local rehab, because we thought that's what a parent did. Our son wanted to just stay with us, at home, and sleep it off. His "friends" told him that's all he needed to do. Needless to say he wasn't the most cooperative in rehab and ended up leaving the 30 day program, five days before it was over. We then allowed him to return working for us. (Like I said, we were totally naive about all of it!) So, of course, the next year was hell. He would show up late for work, cry and say he was sorry, etc., and then it would start all over again. We knew he was using again, but didn't know what. I now believe it was Oxy's. Fast forward to about 6 months ago, we finally let him go from work. He did odd and end jobs, and we could tell things were getting worse around November of 08. Oh, forgot to mention he was living in one of our rental houses. December was when he couldn't pay rent and we said enough is enough, and told him he had to get his act together or move out. But, he always had a story and we always believed him, we so badly wanted to believe him. Shortly after that, husband found foil with black marks on them in son's room- just laying out- not hidden. A quick search on the internet and we knew he was smoking heroin. Gave him one week to get out. He was out for about 1 week and his gf was arrested, in his truck, with heroin in her mouth and some also found in the truck. Gf went to jail and truck was impounded. We've seen our son a few times since then, about 3 times in 4 months. He knows we love him, he knows we are here when he's ready to choose recovery, but we will not support his addiction.
Believe it or not- that truly was a quick version! I know that all of you parents reading this understand what I mean by that. There are so many sleepless nights, hopes up, hopes shattered, worrying, wondering, the lies, the broken promises, etc., that I could never go in full detail of what we've been through in the past year, it would take forever.
What I have learned is that, sadly, our story is not unique. Just as our son is not unique. He's a handsome guy, great personality, smart, fun to be around, etc., just like all of your addict children. They are beautiful souls, just lost in addiction...
If you've made it this far~ thank you!! A blogger, I'm not, but hopefully I'll learn soon. Will probably keep it shorter and more to the point- might make for easier reading.
I look forward to hearing from any of you out there in the land of blogging,
4 weeks ago