Thursday, May 7, 2009

Newbie to Blogging

My first blog...

I want to thank Ron for encouraging me to do this! I've contemplated it for a while, but always put if off. Finally I thought, "If not now, when?" Besides, I've benefitted from silently reading other's blogs that it feels time to contribute and maybe help some other hurting parent know that they are not alone.

The quick version of my story is that my 21 yr. old son is addicted to smoking heroin. I am married, to the same man for 24 yrs., and we also have a 19 yr. old son- who does not have addiction issues. I do not know my son's full story, as he is currently in active addiction. I do know that he started smoking pot the summer before he started high school. God only knows what he's all done the past 7 years, and I'd like to keep it that way- I don't want to know. We knew things weren't "right," and it caused much stress in our marriage as I was the one wanting to confront and seek help, whereas hubby kept saying, "kids will be kids, and he'll grow out of it," I wasn't buying that- call it Mother's intuition or whatever- but I felt there was something more serious going on. Fast forward to a year ago, when his dad found him nodded off in his truck with a meth pipe in his lap, on his lunch hour. He was working for us at the time. I'll never forget the phone call from my husband, him crying, telling me that they were both on their way home with something to tell me. When they arrived, son said he was glad that we finally knew the truth because he wanted to quit but was too embarrassed to ask us for help. From that day forward, we did everything WRONG. We were truly uneducated when it came to addiction and recovery. We immediately put him in a local rehab, because we thought that's what a parent did. Our son wanted to just stay with us, at home, and sleep it off. His "friends" told him that's all he needed to do. Needless to say he wasn't the most cooperative in rehab and ended up leaving the 30 day program, five days before it was over. We then allowed him to return working for us. (Like I said, we were totally naive about all of it!) So, of course, the next year was hell. He would show up late for work, cry and say he was sorry, etc., and then it would start all over again. We knew he was using again, but didn't know what. I now believe it was Oxy's. Fast forward to about 6 months ago, we finally let him go from work. He did odd and end jobs, and we could tell things were getting worse around November of 08. Oh, forgot to mention he was living in one of our rental houses. December was when he couldn't pay rent and we said enough is enough, and told him he had to get his act together or move out. But, he always had a story and we always believed him, we so badly wanted to believe him. Shortly after that, husband found foil with black marks on them in son's room- just laying out- not hidden. A quick search on the internet and we knew he was smoking heroin. Gave him one week to get out. He was out for about 1 week and his gf was arrested, in his truck, with heroin in her mouth and some also found in the truck. Gf went to jail and truck was impounded. We've seen our son a few times since then, about 3 times in 4 months. He knows we love him, he knows we are here when he's ready to choose recovery, but we will not support his addiction.

Believe it or not- that truly was a quick version! I know that all of you parents reading this understand what I mean by that. There are so many sleepless nights, hopes up, hopes shattered, worrying, wondering, the lies, the broken promises, etc., that I could never go in full detail of what we've been through in the past year, it would take forever.

What I have learned is that, sadly, our story is not unique. Just as our son is not unique. He's a handsome guy, great personality, smart, fun to be around, etc., just like all of your addict children. They are beautiful souls, just lost in addiction...

If you've made it this far~ thank you!! A blogger, I'm not, but hopefully I'll learn soon. Will probably keep it shorter and more to the point- might make for easier reading.

I look forward to hearing from any of you out there in the land of blogging,


  1. Thanks for posting, unfortunately there are many others out here suffering too. I think you have taken a huge step. I have learned through this when you ask for help you never know where it may come from.

  2. thanks for sharing, drug use has affected my family my blog, you'll see!

  3. Got here from Mom & Dad. Welcome. I just started my blog last month and it has definately made me feel better to get some things off my chest. I hope you find that your blogging does the same for you.

  4. Glad that you are here. It sounds as if you are doing your best now to deal with the addiction. I've found Al-Anon to be a great help in dealing with my wife's alcoholism. It truly is a family disease.

  5. hello, found you through mom and dad. My name is Suzie and I am an addict.I used to do all of that except I didn't smoke i shot up but i am sure the troubles for my mom and dad were the same. blogging is an excellent venue for finding answers. meetings help also, try finding some NA meetings in your area. look for the "open" meetings everyone is welcome to an open meeting. i see my friend Syd has been by, he is an amazing inspiration who gives a wonderful perspective from the other side of addiction, which would be your side as well. there is Nar- anon which is similar to al- anon but for parents or family members with addicts in their lives. this is a great posting hang in there.

  6. Hey Chai...glad you are here. I do understand and I can relate. My 20 year old daughter is my addict and yeah, we have done a lot of the same stuff. It is hard to not enable...there is always that hope that this time will be it. We have learned the hard way though. I look forward to reading more.

  7. Hi! Mom and Dad sent me! I am the Mom of alcoholic/addicts...none of whom are in recovery. I am a grateful Al Anon member and it literally saved my life! Welcome to the blog'll learn and be supported by people who soooooo understand! Blessings, Lisa

  8. Hi, I also found you through Mom & Dad. I am an addict myself, clean since 2000, 50 years old. Maybe I can be of some help. I wish my parents had taken the time to understand and support. Thanks for sharing your story and I look forward to reading more.

  9. Wow, mom and dad are popular because I found you from them too :)

    Dear Sweet Mother of a 21 year old heroin addict, I wish I could just put my arms around you and share a good cry. I think so many of us relate to your story on many levels. Dealing with this issue is something you have to learn as you go and our of love, we make mistakes and change course. My son is also a heroin addict. He's 18. He's on an outpatient detox and God only knows how its helping so far (its only day four). You are NOT alone. Never give up hope for your son. Go to Al-Anon (I don't go but I know I should, it seems to help everyone). If you would like to read my private blog where I talk about my son please email me (its open to anyone who wants to read it). My email is on my other blog. I'll be reading here.....

  10. I go to AlAnon, it helped me-I will go so far as to say it saved my marriage and my sanity. But like recovery from addiction, you have to want to change how you relate to the addict. We mothers and fathers are in a pattern too, even if we can't see "where we went wrong."

    One slogan from AlAnon that really helped me was
    "I did the best I knew, when I knew it." Don't look back at the mistakes, it serves no purpose. Look to the future with hope, but realism. Remember your son has to want it, and when he does want it, he will find the resources on his own.

  11. Mom and dad referral again :-)

    You definitely are not alone - hope you'll drop by my blog and these others... it does help.

    Happy Mother's Day!

  12. Good ole Mom & Dad, led me here as well. I used to have a blog, well, still do but it's private now and I am usually too busy anyway.

    I am so sorry your son has chosen this life and that your family is going thru this.

    I can tell you this. It was nothing at all that you contributed too that led him to walk this path. It wasn't anything you didn't do. It's just what it is.

    My daughter has been an addict now for, um..twelve years I think. I had to take her children away and my husband and I are now raising grandchildren. They are 9 and 6.

    I'd say welcome, but that'd be a bit bizarre wouldn't it? LOL.

  13. Welcome to the recovery community! As a recovering addict, I can tell you that we do recover...if we get the help that we need and are willing to do the work. September of this year will be 10 years for me.

  14. Wow, so many from Mom and Dad ! That's a good thing. I find all of your comments interesting and helpful. Hopefully soon our son will get into a place. I honestly don't know if he is really calling everyday or just telling everyone that. But finding a bed in a free rehab is truly difficult.
    Fractlmom, that must have been the hardest thing. She is fortunate to have parents that will raise her children.

  15. I have tears in my eyes as I finish your post. I am new to this, just recently realized what my daughter was doing. I guess I knew all long, but wanted to believe her lies. Thank you for sharing. I know I am not alone. Thank you.