Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thought for today

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

What I said never changed anybody; what they understood did.
--Paul. P.

"How often have we given our all to change somebody else? How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light? How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern - perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience - bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?

All of us have.

We would do anything to save the people we love. In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words in just the right way, our loved ones will understand.

If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.

If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed. But neither is true. Even our best efforts don't have the power to change someone else. Nor do we have that responsibility. People are only persuaded by what they understand. And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time to grow toward deeper understanding. Not before.

Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power who loves them even more than I do."

There was a time when I didn't "get" the above message. I thought I was unique, or that my son was, and that I truly could change him if I could just get him to "hear" me. Oh boy. I'm happy to say that I no longer believe I have that power. But, old habits die hard, and I do have to remind myself of this when certain thoughts start creeping in. My son will be out of his treatment center in about a week and I'm having to really remember that this is HIS recovery and journey and that I have my own. I pray that God continues to guide me on the healthy path that He already has me on....


  1. I just left a comment to this post but somehow think I put it on the wrong post :( sorry. I hope you find it, too tired to figure it out.

  2. Dear ChaiLatte,

    I so understand what you have written in your post. I know that sometimes I am tempted to grow fearful again of what "might happen," or "what if," now that our son has been sober since June 23rd of 2006, the day we dropped him off at Teen Challenge. I rejoice in his recovery, and my peace grows with each passing day, but there are still times when fear raises its ugly head. My husband has told me more than once, "It's got to be his conviction to stay sober, to do what's right. We cannot do it for him, no matter how much we want to." So I truly get where you are coming from as a mom.

    My husband and I are praying for your son and your family.


  3. Be sure to come by tonight around 9pm (Eastern time) for the announcement so you don't miss out. I promise-it good-really really good.
    Its So Very Cheri