Sunday, November 15, 2009

Son Called

We were out running errands, to take our minds off of our current situation, and our son called. Very thankful to hear his voice. He is, indeed, staying with the friend that he knows down there. As I said earlier, that's not a good thing. But, obviously my son isn't capable of making good decisions right now. I'm always praying for that to change. I pray for God to literally change my son's brain chemistry... Even before drugs, his thinking/thought process was "off." I don't think I can articulate what I mean by that, but it's something I noticed about him at a very young age.

Anyway... I'm not certain what his plan is. He says he wants to try and get into a rehab closer to home, but sadly, I don't believe that's what he really wants. He just thinks it's what I want to hear. Or, he may want it deep down inside, but right now his addiction is bigger than him. He didn't ask for us to come pick him up. He said he was going to try and take the bus up here. I'm afraid that he'll just hang with this friend until he gets in trouble, or.... ????

It all just exhausts the heck out of me. Our younger son is home for a visit, so we're trying to just enjoy our time with him and not let other son intrude on that. I also have my Nar-Anon meeting tomorrow night and have already spoken with a few of my friends from my Mom's Group- it all helps- as did Sherry, PG, and Lisa's comments. It helps to not feel alone, and it helps to know that other people truly understand the awful feelings that come about from having a child addicted.

Thank you and God Bless Us All.


  1. I know you are on the right track. You can't put your son on a track or walk his track for him, but you can get healthy yourself. Then God can use that health in whatever way He chooses.

    I will continue to support you in prayer and comments.


  2. I'm struck about what you say, about knowing something was off at a very young age. I saw it in my son also, but it never seemed "off enough" to get psychological help. When we finally did (at 16), I believe we were already at the point of no return.

    Maybe your son needs some hardship (no place to stay, no money) to force him back into rehab?

  3. I just got online and read your other post and now this one. I am praying that God will intervene in your son's life right now and guide him to a healthy and safe place. I pray that you will continue to enjoy your other son's visit and that you will be able to get a good's night's sleep. Amen.

  4. I could tell from your comment when you visited me that something had happened. I read your previous post and this one. I am so sorry and I do know that feeling of being afraid the phone will ring...and being afraid it won't. I may have told you that my son's issue was more anger/rage than anything else. Drinking made it worse, but there was never an addiction. He's never done drugs. With that said, anger and stress make his behavior "strange" and there were times we went weeks without knowing where he was. At one point after renting so many apartments, hotel rooms and paying for various colleges and debts...we stopped. He spent a few days sleeping in his car in a park in another town, calling frequently to tell us how horrible we were. It can be so hard. He's done better, until last week when a stressful situation came up for him and his meltdown ended with damage to my wall and the interior of my husband's car.

    It had been 2 years since his temper got the best of him. I guess it never really ends when they have personalities like this. We just have to learn to deal with it somehow. We have to help them when we can, yet be strong enough to be tough and say no sometimes as well. I pray you find a way to sleep at night and that he wakes up and realizes that the help is there for him. Take care.


  5. I am glad you heard from him. You know, I also noticed something "off" about my son and no one could diagnose him - until now and like Lou said, its a bit late :( But he will be treated for some issues along with recovery. I hope your son gets evaluated too. I think it can make a difference and dual diagnosis is common.

    You are not alone!!!!!

  6. wow....this is something....I too know what you mean about something "off" ,but not enough off to be a discernable diagnosis, and also, from a young age. Our son was diagnosed w/ADHD when he was young and has been treated for it since then, but even w/ seemed a bit more than that and just a bit "off" as you said. I am interested to hear more details about what you other moms specifically mean by that. For my son, also an addict, it's been with judgement (even before drug use) and socially,with what he says to others....altho' it is often characteristic of the impulsivity of people w/ ADHD too.

  7. The bit about something "off" really struck me. We had that same impression but could never really nail it down. Other than a light speech impediment treated with routine speech therapy at an early age - nothing really obvious, but still something "off". Even the speech therapist mentioned it!

    I continue to pray for your son... I'm glad he called. I'm also glad you are taking care of you, with meetings, etc. Hang in there! you're not alone...

  8. My gosh, I can relate to how you are feeling right now, trying to do something to take your mind off what's going on, praying for God to change your son's brain chemistry. I wish you peace, that something can help you through the worry. I will pray for you and your son.
    And for you...!!!
    I took the dogs out this morning and cried, cried, cried in my backyard. All day I have been playing Hatchlings on Facebook - it is an egg hunt, yes, an egg hunt. I don't think anything could be a bigger waste of time. BUT, it keeps my mind occupied. The pretty eggs and cute pets make me happy. I'm giving myself a pass.
    I'm telling you this so maybe there is something you can find, something to put a smile on your face, or at least take your mind away, even for 5 minutes at a time.
    I am glad he called, that he reached out to you.
    Since I'm probably the last person with any useful advice, at least I will pray you find even pieces of peace :) God bless you ChaiLatte...
    Heather's Mom

  9. Thank you, everyone, for your comments. It helps me very much to know that I'm not alone and that I have support here. I have to get better at leaving comments for others, because I know how much they help me! Everyone always has something wonderful to offer, whether they know it or not.

    I'm exhausted but will try to post again soon, as I'd like to explore this being "off," business that so many of us seemed to have noticed with our kids... I also have a tad bit of encourging news about son- although right now I'm cautious about feeling encouraged about anything! One day at a time...

  10. I have a terrible migraine headache, and was up most the night with it. While I was up you weighed heavily on my heart. Each time I got up I prayed for you. God knows who "ChaiLate and son" are. I just wanted you to know that you have many friends out here (just look at all the comments you receive!) who are praying for you and who care.

  11. I just left you a blog award - I hope you're feeling a little better!! Happy Thanksgiving!

  12. I left you an award too :) God bless!

  13. I wish that I could say something that would help with the pain you feel. But I think that the thing that comes to mind is to keep the focus on you and realize that your son has a Higher Power also.

  14. So very sorry for your struggles with your eldest. I am sure it is very difficult. Here listening....


  15. ChaiLatte,

    Just checking in with you. You are all in our prayers. Hang in there!

    Hugs and love,
    Cheri and Wayne