Inspirational Prayer of the Day

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Heart still breaks

My son is still out on his own, and still using. We see him a few times a month and he recently came by to visit his Grandma who was here from out of state. He is currently staying at a local motel and he does odd jobs to just get by. He called this morning to ask if I needed my car washed, or anything else done around the house because he needed to pay for his room by 11AM today. I told him I would talk to his Dad and call him back. I didn't really need to talk to my husband, but I just needed time to think... I chickened out and sent him a text rather than call him, and told him that I didn't have any work for him- but that I will always give him a ride to a shelter, a rehab, or take him to eat. He texted me back, "Ok. Thanks Mom, I love you too."

I can't stop crying. I don't regret what I did. My heart just simply is still breaking over his addiction....

10 comments:

  1. and, it will continue to break about his addiction. just don't let it break over YOUR resolve.....hang in there babe.

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  2. I have been praying for you and your son. My heart aches for you, it breaks my heart reading it. The only solace I can give you is that your son has his own Higher Power, and He is taking care of your son... the first 3 steps condensed: I can't, God can, I think I'll let Him.
    a ((((BIG HUG)))) for you!!!

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  3. You did the RIGHT thing! Good job! You are being a very loving mother by holding the door open to recovery for you son, and not enabling him. Don't doubt yourself. I am back at this same place too right now with my 22 year old son. I just posted something similar. Hold God's hand tightly and let him support you. We need it!

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  4. As hard as I know it is to do these things, I also know you absolutly did the right thing. Hang in there and trust in God. Praying for you and your son!
    Kristi

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  5. Thank you for the supportive comments- you guys (gals) are great, and it really helps!!

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  6. Oh Sweetheart, this breaks my heart to read. Someday, hopefully, he will be done and be ready to accept your offer of a ride to rehab...I'm going to keep my hopes up for that day.

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  7. Living on the street is way easier than messing around in halfway homes when you can't cope. I got moved into emergency accommodation when I was frankly mentally ill and just couldn't keep myself or keep house even in the most basic ways. I often consider just leaving it all behind and going back to the street where things are at least straightforward. Now I have all manner of psychiatrists, social workers etc after me for being mentally ill and not coping which I don't really like but at least they're trying to help me. I hope your son does sort himself out but it takes years and years and suffering only made me take more drugs and as I say, living on the street is far easier when you're a drug addict. No rent to worry about, no stuff to worry about, no bills. Just you and drugs. Sounds sad but it's all some people can manage.

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  8. When we kicked our son out and he was living in this house full of other addicts (even some in recovery) he would call and ask the same thing. What could he do to earn money to eat? It wasn't to eat it was to use I am sure, but what got to me was how in the hell did my son get so bad he wanted to know if he could pick up dog shit turn earn some money. Something he never would have done when I begged him too and wanted to pay him an extra $5.00 a week to do it when he was younger. NOW at 20 he was willing to come over and do that? Or sweep the floors? It broke my heart that he had sunk that low. I have had that exact same scenario with my son even down to the texting and him texting back ending with I love you too. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING as awful as you feel I highly doubt he gave it a second thought. Don't give up, pray a lot, give it to God to sort out and keep making those offers and keep telling him you love him. You are your son are in my prayers.

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  9. Thanks again, everyone, for your comments and sharing- it always helps just knowing we're not alone. Tori- I totally agree that he probably didn't give it a second thought, so no reason for it to consume me! Gledwood, I appreciate your input and know that it's true for my son- the life he's living now is easier for him- sad but true... Dawn, Heather's Mom, Deirdre, Kristi, JBR, Barbara, Gledwood and Tori- thanks again, you are ALL in my prayers too!

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