tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16127582923653549582024-03-13T13:22:00.844-07:00Hurting Parents~Addicted SonChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-10770922708658388022012-12-31T12:02:00.000-08:002012-12-31T12:02:51.347-08:00Happy New Year!Wishing all of you a most Happy New Year! Praying that 2013 is full of blessings, peace and miracles for everyone.
My son is doing very well. He graduated from a 6 month program on 12/12/12. He is allowed to stay with the program and look for a job, so that is what he is doing.
I continue to live life one day at a time, and also to lean on God for my peace.
My hope for anyone going through the pain of having an addicted loved one is that they would get into Celebrate Recovery, Nar-Anon Family Groups, Al-Anon, a Church, a Meditation group, or any healthy group that lets you know you are NOT ALONE! The only choice we have is to learn to have a peaceful life inspite of what our loved ones are doing. We CANNOT control them or make them better. If we could, we would be doing it-and we would be shouting the solution from the rooftops- at least I know I would, as I wouldn't wish the type of pain you feel when your loved one is addicted, on ANYONE.
Learning to take care of ourselves is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and our loved ones.
Wishing you all a most joyous New Year!
ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-3225411084801389462012-06-16T14:35:00.001-07:002012-06-16T14:35:04.110-07:00RehabMy son entered a 6 month rehab last week. Feeling VERY grateful... I am so thankful that God has once again given my son the opportunity for more recovery.
He had been home with us for the past year, and even though he wasn't sober the entire time, we definitely saw progress in him toward his recovery- if that makes sense.
I will never forget a movie that we saw in one of the rehabs our son was in- (it was a class for the families) in this movie was an elderly man talking about his sobriety. He said it took him 11 rehabs before he truly became sober. He said that he had no idea, or explanation, of why 1 through 10 didn't work. I try to remember this...
I truly believe that my son will find, and keep, sobriety one day. I just feel it.
As always, all of you and your loved ones are in my prayers.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-78268054108022349072012-04-12T15:39:00.001-07:002012-04-12T15:40:41.374-07:00Quote"This journey is long and draining. Be Mindful of your self care and your own truth."<br /><br />Very well said, by a great therapist that I know.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-59828456104527138502012-04-12T13:49:00.002-07:002012-04-12T13:51:24.615-07:00UpdateWe are back on the crazy train again...<br />Not sure we ever really got off of it... <br />Same story, different day...<br />Trying to "help" without enabling...<br />We know the drill, but still... <br /><br />Prayers always appreciated!ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-26343886587834217622011-08-14T17:07:00.000-07:002011-08-14T17:17:52.097-07:00Peace! I feel peace....I came to my blog today thinking I should update, and I have a "Prayer For Today" widget at the top- here's what it said:
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<br />"Lord, may I remember that a setback does not mean utter defeat, but a mere retreat to store up strength and win the battle!" ~ My Prayer For Today
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<br />I just love it. Applies to both my son and myself as we each continue on these journeys we call life! I think the reason this prayer caught my attention is that it's been my prayer for my son this time around (and forever) that should he relapse-he seeks the help he needs instead of his usual pattern of falling deeper into the pit. For myself, if I feel old habits and anxieties start to creep in, I know what to do to get myself back on track of healthy thinking.
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<br />My son has been home for 3 weeks now, and doing really well. Things feel different this time. His actions are different. It is so darn awesome to be around him when he's sober! I have no false hopes or expectations, I live my life one day at a time. I'm so thankful for my time spent in the rooms of Nar-Anon Family Groups, ever grateful for my faith in God.
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<br />So, we will keep on keepin' on!
<br />Blessings to all!
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<br />ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-7123694675426035902011-06-05T11:42:00.000-07:002011-06-05T11:50:25.931-07:00This will be quickAlmost 3 months since my last post?! Unbelievable... <br /><br />Not much to report. Life is good! <br /><br />Son has about a month and a half left in jail. His plan as of now is outpatient, meetings and therapy. I think I mentioned before that he will have a PO this time, something he's never had before. He wants to work with my husband again, not sure if that will happen or not. Not sure where he will live yet. I know many will say he shouldn't live with us (I am one of those "many") but I do believe there is a fine line between enabling and supporting. Oh well, enough of that, I want to enjoy my last month and half before I have to make hard decisions! <br /><br />Love, Hugs & Prayers to ALL of you reading!ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-86940149427943066242011-03-15T16:04:00.000-07:002011-03-15T16:11:09.242-07:00Sentencing Next MonthAt last Wednesday's court date (the one we couldn't stay for) 5 out of the 6 charges were dropped- so I think it will be a year in County Jail. But we won't know for sure until April 13th- his next court date. He called the other night and said the day he gets out of jail he'd like to go straight to the airport and head out of state, to where we have family (we've offered in the past for him to go to rehab back there). This is the first time he's mentioned it on his own- maybe he's finally realizing he can't keep going back to the same playground if he truly wants to stay clean. Don't know if he'd even be allowed to go to out of state rehab, but I'm glad he's even considering it.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-62953497773344153792011-03-10T13:24:00.001-08:002011-03-10T13:28:55.213-08:00CourtI did go to my son's court date yesterday, on my lunch hour. But, we didn't get to hear/see his case. They did one case and then took a break. We waited for 20 minutes, then I had to get back to work. But, mission accomplished for me- I was able to see my son and he was able to see his mom and dad show up for him...<br /><br />As far as I know his sentencing is tomorrow, but I can't go to that as it's in the morning. Not sure if hubby will go or not. I will be praying for God's will...ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-30507125289521995262011-03-08T22:56:00.000-08:002011-03-08T23:10:38.687-08:00Court tomorrowI talked to my son this evening- was nice to hear his voice, he sounds good. My husband visited him over the weekend, I was out of town. <br /><br />Public Defender visited son today and she said absolute worst case is that he gets 3 years in prison. Or, he might get 1 year in County Jail and 3-5 years probation. He's not eligible for court ordered rehab or drug court, due to his 3 thefts over the 3 years. He's already served jail time for past 2 thefts, so I'm not sure how all that works...<br /><br />I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but I don't think he's sentenced until his Friday court date. Not sure if I will go tomorrow or not. I'm finding that I'm a bit torn between letting him deal with all this on his own, or showing up for support. <br /><br />I'll sleep on it and decide in the morning...ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-49343127957364026842011-02-25T13:56:00.001-08:002011-02-25T13:58:36.450-08:00Welcome to prison...Haven't heard from my son, but a friend of his called and he was picked up last night (caught shoplifting), and then they searched the motel room and found it all! His first felony(s).....ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-79399245091979143052011-02-15T10:35:00.000-08:002011-02-15T10:45:48.591-08:00Heart still breaksMy son is still out on his own, and still using. We see him a few times a month and he recently came by to visit his Grandma who was here from out of state. He is currently staying at a local motel and he does odd jobs to just get by. He called this morning to ask if I needed my car washed, or anything else done around the house because he needed to pay for his room by 11AM today. I told him I would talk to his Dad and call him back. I didn't really need to talk to my husband, but I just needed time to think... I chickened out and sent him a text rather than call him, and told him that I didn't have any work for him- but that I will always give him a ride to a shelter, a rehab, or take him to eat. He texted me back, "Ok. Thanks Mom, I love you too." <br /><br />I can't stop crying. I don't regret what I did. My heart just simply is still breaking over his addiction....ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-52806670411874603352010-11-24T13:40:00.000-08:002010-11-24T13:58:58.331-08:00Happy ThanksgivingI want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and let you know that you and your families are always included in my general thoughts and prayers- even though I'm not very active in my blogging. I will be forever grateful for "meeting" all of you here, following your stories, and receiving your support! I spent many dark, dark moments logging on here, and always left feeling less alone and also hopeful- hopeful that I could have a happy life once again. I can honestly say that my life is filled with happiness!<br /><br />My son will join us for Thanksgiving tomorrow. Is he clean? I don't know and I try to not make it my business. We see him once or twice a month. He doesn't ask us for anything, nor do we give him anything- other than hugs, love and respect. We have created clear boundaries and he doesn't question them. He has been in 3 rehabs in the past 4 years, he has the tools, and he knows where to go for help. He knows that we support his sobriety. We will never stop praying for his sobriety. We will also continue living healthy, happy and full lives- regardless of his choices. <br /><br />May we all be abundantly blessed with love and peace, not just tomorrow, but every day! ~CChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-47638727585706798852010-08-22T18:07:00.001-07:002010-08-22T18:08:17.101-07:00Glorious Day!Just spent the last 4 hours with my son, on his birthday! It was a most glorious day, in so many ways and I'm feeling very thankful to God for making this day so special!ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-83157468008744000622010-08-22T10:56:00.000-07:002010-08-22T11:28:18.652-07:00Birthday & BooksToday is my son's 23rd birthday. Not sure if I'll see him today or not, but he did come to my other son's 21st birthday party last week. It was great to see him! We do keep in touch through phone calls and texts, mostly texts. But, I was still happy that he made the effort to be with us on his brother's birthday. He has also been reaching out to other family members (my brother and sister) by calling them. That's pretty huge in my book and I'm happy to see that change in him. I do not get my hopes up about anything, nor do I have expectations, but I enjoy seeing some changes in my son that show me he is reaching out.<br /><br />Books. I've read several books on addiction, some very excellent and helpful ones. However, someone just gave me their copy of Stay Close, by Libby Cataldi. I adore this book and I'm so thankful she wrote it. As a parent, I could relate. She has battled cancer, I have too (although a different kind). She also has 2 sons, one addicted and one not- something else I related to. Libby talks about her denial, horror, shame, confusion, enabling, etc... She makes it clear that she will never fully understand addiction, but her book is very informative and she learned how to have compassion for her son, stay close to her son, yet not enable her son. I highly recommend this book. <br /><br />Libby's son is doing very well today, but she says something about there not being a finish line in addiction, what a true statement...ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-87846271716139572342010-08-04T18:36:00.000-07:002010-08-04T18:59:20.105-07:00Need to ventWow. I cannot believe that it's been over 4 months since I've blogged here! Summer has been busy, a lot of time spent at our cabin, which I'm ever so thankful to have. It's our slice of heaven and feel blessed that I can escape up there, when I'm not working, of course! <br /><br />I feel like my recovery has been going well and I'm feeling strong. But, today I just feel pissed, pardon my french. I didn't want to make this post all about my son, because in my recovery I work hard to take the focus off of him an onto myself. But then again, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him- so I will always have something to say about him! <br /><br />First of all, I love him to pieces. Always have, always will. I am not angry at him today, I'm angry at addiction. I've been angry at addiction before-nothing new there. <br /><br />Son had to leave his rehab because he started taking valium to help him sleep at night. So, he's back in our hometown, staying with someone- he didn't tell me who it is and now it's been a week since I've heard from him. All signs that he's back on heroin. <br /><br />The past few months I was used to people asking how he was doing and I would always respond by how he was doing when I last saw him- which was usually that he was doing good, but ended by saying, "we take it one day at a time." So, it's not that I had high expectations, or that I'm shocked that he relapsed. I'm just so damn sick of his addiction keeping him from us and keeping him from a happy, healthy, productive life. It pisses me off that he'll always be one stinking lousy decision away from destruction, jail, prison or death. It sucks that as his family we have to prepare ourselves for that awful phone call.<br /><br />Thanks for letting me vent. I'll continue my weekly Nar-Anon meetings and reaching out to others when I need to. Maybe after I'm done being pissed I'll have a good cry. <br /><br />I wish love and strength to all of you in the same boat. I also wish the same to anyone struggling with addiction, I can only imagine your pain.<br /><br />I just wish that I could wish it all away...ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-1656185096630676992010-03-20T13:52:00.000-07:002010-03-20T14:11:26.220-07:00UpdateYesterday my son went into another inpatient program. This is his 3rd one in 2 or 3 years- I honestly am not keeping track of dates anymore. Seems when I do, it's a reflection of how I focus more on him than on me. So, for today, he's in a program and I'm thankful, very thankful.<br /><br />This time is different- for me. It's not like, "Oh no, he relapsed again." The truth is he never stopped using from his last relapse. The truth is my son is a heroin addict and will struggle with it for the rest of his life. The truth is that he can get clean. The truth is that he may continue using. The truth is I cannot control or influence which path he chooses. I will always pray for him and his sobriety. <br /><br />I still read all of your blogs and pray for you and your loved ones daily. I hope other parents and loved ones continue to "stumble" across our blogging community the way that I did and gain the knowledge and strength that I have- from all of you. While I would still say that having an addicted child is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I can also say that I have found happiness again- whether my son is clean or not. It's definitely a process and I'm still working it. But, I'm happy with the progress I've made. I do attend Nar-Anon family groups and we'll attend the family support groups that this current rehab offers too, but I'm not addicted to attending meetings either. I just do what I feel helps me and what I feel is right. There is no right or wrong, and I no longer let what others do influence what's best for me in my recovery. I am growing. <br /><br />Happy Spring! I always associate Spring with new beginnings and I pray that we all see each day as a new beginning.<br /> <br />God Bless us all,<br />~ChaiLatteChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-75775454423527406192010-01-22T18:51:00.000-08:002010-01-22T19:03:02.579-08:00Out of the loopI feel out of the loop, of my own doing...<br /><br />I don't even know where to begin. <br /><br />Son is still living with us, since the week before Christmas. <br /><br />Son #2 moved back home. We are a family of 4 again. <br /><br />We've had some great times this past month, for which I'm very thankful.<br /><br />Today son asked for $20, and I said no. That's the short version. <br /><br />I held my ground and I'm proud of myself for that- it wasn't easy. <br /><br />I hope to get back to blogging soon...<br /><br />But, for now, I will end with things I love, (not in order)<br /><br />I love my job<br />I love my co-workers<br />I love my clients<br />I love my husband<br />I love my sons<br />I love all of my family<br />I love my friends<br />I love nar-anon<br />I love God<br />I love my progress<br />I love the sound of rain (even tho I should be tired of it by now)<br />I love our dog<br />I love that my mom instilled the power of prayer and I miss her dearly<br /><br />I hate addiction, but the things and people I love outweigh my hate.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-32677686650794965652009-12-22T21:59:00.000-08:002009-12-22T22:12:11.684-08:00HesitationI hesitate to blog, but I'm going to anyway. <br /><br />My son came home last night! His voice on the phone is always music to my ears and hugging him is even better- I'm sorry but I just can't help but love on him. I stand 5'9", but my hubby and sons are all 6'3-ish. They all hug good and I feel like everything is right in the world while in their arms. <br /><br />My son wants to "try and do the right thing again." I know he wants help, I hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. BUT......... I also know the pull of addiction. We've been down this road before. He'll be great for about 4 days, then things will get too rough for him (cravings) and he'll most likely bolt. <br /><br />The difference this time is I'm not trying to fix him, I'm not worried that what I say or don't say will influence his sobriety. I don't feel that panic. I'm just enjoying these few days with him, however long they will last. We are going up to our cabin for Christmas, so he'll be with us for a week, but once we return back here he may just take off again. <br /><br />Thank you all so much for your comments. Here's hoping we all have a magical Christmas and a most blessed New Year with lots of great things to come for us and our loved ones.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-92038449074409998732009-12-08T14:34:00.000-08:002009-12-10T21:28:01.815-08:00My Cat<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Buy2FtTfyUU/SyHYSpe159I/AAAAAAAAABo/51COY9CUDfo/s1600-h/PICT0035.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Buy2FtTfyUU/SyHYSpe159I/AAAAAAAAABo/51COY9CUDfo/s320/PICT0035.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413846041960507346" /></a><br />Most of you can relate to the fog that we sometimes find ourselves in when dealing with addiction in our families. Some days I feel really on top of my game and other days, not so much. For the most part I'm doing well and attending meetings weekly. <br /><br />I'll share a little story...<br /><br />The other day I was doing something in the backyard and saw our cat heading towards me, he was coming from the woods. I called his name and opened the gate for him. He was coming towards me with gusto and enthusiasm, when something distracted him and he didn't even stop and contemplate me any further, he just changed his path and appeared to be on a mission- in the opposite direction. I stood there with the gate still open, feeling sad because basically our cat never comes "home," anymore. <br /><br />We did a major remodel a year ago, I moved up to our cabin during this time and hubby pretty much lived in the remodel mess. Needless to say, the noise of the building didn't sit real well with our cat and he was soon spending time at the neighbor's house. The neighbor and I talked and she was happy to have him there. He's always been an independent cat and I really didn't stress about the matter.<br /><br />Fast forward 6 months, the remodel done- and countless times we've tried to get our cat to come into the house and he's not taking to it! I was heart broken and guess what? Being the good codie that I am, I felt extremely guilty that my cat no longer had a home. But, he did have a home, he just wasn't interested in being there! <br /><br />Back to the other day as I stood there holding the gate open for my cat to, once again, come home- I felt the tears well up, not for my beloved cat so much, but for my son. You see, my son has also returned "home," but will not actually "come home." He's been in our town since Thanksgiving and we haven't heard from him since his car ride up here on the 24th. We just assumed we'd be seeing him. I've seen some activity on a social networking site, so I know he's still here. I just miss him. I'm not taking it personal that he's not seeing us, I know his addiction is keeping him from us. <br /><br />Just like my cat, my son has always been easily distracted from the path he needs to be on...ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-91246414937663104412009-11-15T15:45:00.000-08:002009-11-15T15:58:00.968-08:00Son CalledWe were out running errands, to take our minds off of our current situation, and our son called. Very thankful to hear his voice. He is, indeed, staying with the friend that he knows down there. As I said earlier, that's not a good thing. But, obviously my son isn't capable of making good decisions right now. I'm always praying for that to change. I pray for God to literally change my son's brain chemistry... Even before drugs, his thinking/thought process was "off." I don't think I can articulate what I mean by that, but it's something I noticed about him at a very young age. <br /><br />Anyway... I'm not certain what his plan is. He says he wants to try and get into a rehab closer to home, but sadly, I don't believe that's what he really wants. He just thinks it's what I want to hear. Or, he may want it deep down inside, but right now his addiction is bigger than him. He didn't ask for us to come pick him up. He said he was going to try and take the bus up here. I'm afraid that he'll just hang with this friend until he gets in trouble, or.... ???? <br /><br />It all just exhausts the heck out of me. Our younger son is home for a visit, so we're trying to just enjoy our time with him and not let other son intrude on that. I also have my Nar-Anon meeting tomorrow night and have already spoken with a few of my friends from my Mom's Group- it all helps- as did Sherry, PG, and Lisa's comments. It helps to not feel alone, and it helps to know that other people truly understand the awful feelings that come about from having a child addicted. <br /><br />Thank you and God Bless Us All.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-68927826080373911752009-11-15T12:11:00.000-08:002009-11-15T12:25:57.150-08:00Left RehabOh gosh. Our son left rehab yesterday afternoon and we don't know where he is. It's amazing how strong you can feel and all the work you can do, and in one split second all the old feelings and worries come back. <br /><br />Apparently he was drinking, denied it at first, but then admitted it. The reason he told them he was leaving is that he didn't want to start back at square one. He had 140 days in rehab, with a relapse at day 85 and now again. He's obviously struggling with sobriety. <br /><br />As his parents, we could sense something- restlessness? Maybe just the desire to use was getting stronger for him. Knowing his personality, we believed it was boredom setting in, as they have no physical outlet/exercise at his rehab and his job search entailed taking the bus downtown and walking up and down the same main street applying for jobs. That alone sounds depressing to me. <br /><br />He knows one person down there (he's 6 hrs. south of where we live)and that person is someone who went through the same rehab, but is now living on his own and I believe using- as he was involved in my son's earlier relapse. I've called and left a message with that person asking him to please call if knows where our son is. <br /><br />I just want to hear his voice. I just pray he doesn't use to the point of overdosing. I'm just scared. I know this is his recovery, his journey, I know I can't make him get and stay sober, I know I'm powerless. But, I also know that for today, I'm a worried sick mother. <br /><br />If you pray, please pray for my son and his safety. Thank you so very much...ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-13574046399730660632009-11-07T16:46:00.000-08:002009-11-07T17:10:29.000-08:00Quick UpdateWe saw our son 2 weekends ago, and had a great visit. But, we always have great visits. We talked a little bit about his relapse, but not a lot. I am no longer thinking too far in the future. I've come a long way with my expectations. He was doing great the day I saw him, and that's all I know. I rely on God every second of the day to give me strength to take care of myself and to be the person He wants me to be. I praise God for the peace I feel today. <br /><br />Please visit Heathersmom, you'll see her on my blog list. I wish her, and all of you, the very best in the healing of our kids/spouses/selves as we deal with the insidious disease of addiction.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-13394364338098823932009-10-23T18:13:00.000-07:002009-10-23T18:47:15.149-07:00ExpectationsHard to believe it's been almost a month since I last blogged. Once again, all of your comments were very meaningful to me and they gave me the strength I needed. I so appreciate all of you. <br /><br />I've been doing a lot of reflecting this month. I now realize how high my expectations were for my son- that was evident in my feelings when he relapsed. I've been working on having hope, but not expectations. Sometimes it feels like a gray area, but I think I'm getting it... I also had to deal with my anger- that one surprised me- but it did surface. My roller coaster of emotions after his relapse proved to me how co-dependent I still am. I have not fully detached. I'm still a work in progress! <br /><br />Son's house manager said he was going to be more hands on with our son. He said that they all let their guard down because he was doing so well. This is not to blame them whatsoever, but I liked hearing that they'll be more hands on with him. Son has chosen to stay there for another 90 days, which we are very thankful for! I'd like to see it stretched to a year, if possible. I just think with his age, the longer in recovery the better. <br /><br />We get to see our son this Sunday. It's been 10 weeks since we've seen him. His 30 days aren't quite up, but they made an exception as they feel we are important to his recovery. My husband has been writing son a letter almost every single night. I think it's good therapy for my husband and we've been told that son lights up from all the mail he gets.<br /><br />I thank God for how He continues to work in my life. His grace amazes me!ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-78664184486598896032009-09-27T10:15:00.000-07:002009-09-27T10:36:50.914-07:00It happened...He relapsed. 85 days in recovery, and he's now back to square one. <br /><br />I'm too tired to blog my thoughts. Plus, you all know how I feel. Sad, angry, disappointed, overwhelmed, confused, and so on... But, you know what? I'm also thankful for a few things- like the fact that he was not home when he relapsed, and that he came clean to his house manager about relapsing, and I'm thankful that he's safe. <br /><br />I will not give up hope and I will never give up on my son. I will, however, work on taking things one day at a time, maybe it will soften the next blow. To me, it's like hearing a loved one's cancer has come back- you always know it's a possibility but you're still devastated to hear that it's actually happened. There's no way around that. <br /><br />Thanks for listening and thank you for all your last comments- I so appreciate the support, input and sharing from all of you- it helps- A LOT.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1612758292365354958.post-41761716008187735122009-09-24T14:48:00.001-07:002009-09-24T19:13:22.394-07:00BrothersLast weekend my two sons got together and spent the whole weekend together. This feels like progress. They haven't spent that much time together for over a year. I am proud of myself- I only texted one time- just to make sure #1 son arrived. I will admit that I picked up my phone 3 more times over the weekend to call and see how they were doing, but I didn't call- I let them be. <br /><br />Other good news, son has decided to stay with the program for another 30 days. He's already moved into another house with more privileges. Next step is a job... kind of hard to do without a phone and vehicle, but he'll have to figure that out. <br /><br />I thank God for the work He is doing on me and in my heart.ChaiLattehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02336245380963797531noreply@blogger.com9