Monday, July 27, 2009


We had a great visit with our son yesterday! He looks healthy, and yes- we did see that sparkle back in his eyes!

He's working his program, following the rules, and will be given more freedom/privileges, now that his 30 days are up. I have to admit that upon hearing this, I had anxiety. It's much more comforting knowing that he's supervised 24/7. However, I realize that can't last forever and this is his journey. He has earned this upcoming freedom and I will continue to pray that he makes good decisions, like he has done for the past 30 days.

I could worry about the future, but I won't. I will be thankful and happy that for today he is sober and today I feel peace.

Praise God as we continue on our journeys...

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Today I realized that I haven't cried in almost 30 days.

This Saturday will be 30 days since we dropped our son off at rehab.

This Sunday we will get to see our son receive his 30 day chip/coin.

I called his rehab to find out what time we should arrive on Sunday.

She said that son is such a genuinely nice person.

She said how handsome he is and how he takes good care of himself.

She said he is opening up and sharing more each day.

She said we will be proud of him.

She said he has a sparkle in his eye.

I hung up and cried. I've missed that sparkle. I can't wait to see it again.

I can't wait to hug my son again.

I can't wait to whisper, "I don't want to let you go," when I hug him.

I can't wait to hear him say, "I know Mom."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Technical question

Hoping someone can help me out here. Very often when I click on the link to someone's blog I get an Internet Explorer error message saying website cannot be opened, operation aborted. Other times, I can get to the blogs just fine.

I have Windows Vista Service Pack 1, Internet Explorer 8

Thank you!

It's our lesson

One of my saving graces has been a book of daily meditations called, More Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie. I gain something by each reading, but this one on July 18th really spoke to me.

"When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away."
~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, The Wheel of Life

"Sometimes, we wait and wait for a painful situation to end. When will he stop drinking? When will she call? When will this financial stuff get better? When will I know what to do next?

Life has its own timeline. As soon as we get the lesson, the pain neutralizes, then disappears.

And the lesson is always ours.

Examine your life. Are you waiting for someone or something outside of you to happen to make you feel better? Are you waiting for someone to learn his or her lesson for your pain to stop? If you are, try turning inward. See what the lesson really is."

"God, please show me what I'm supposed to be learning right now."

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Cigarette Decision

Thanks for the input on our dilemma. We've decided to send the smokes this time and ask if perhaps he can do extra chores to earn smoke money for the future. Husband doesn't want to provide for the entire 90 days.

We do not have an unlimited money source, like most, we are suffering in this economy. While his rehab isn't free, we're paying for 90 days what most places charge for 30 days, so it is one of the more affordable places around.

I love my son beyond belief, I don't like that he smokes, but I do accept it.

If this was just MY decision, I wouldn't have even blogged about- I would have just sent them. This seems like a small issue in the grand scheme of things, splitting hairs, if you will. However, hubby and I are a team, so I do respect his feelings on the issue.

Today I am blessed that my biggest dilemma is over cigarettes.

Thanks again- you guys are the best!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Cigarettes and Rehab

Son has been in rehab for 2 weeks as of yesterday. I've called to check on him a few times, and they tell me he's doing really well.

So, today we get a call from the intake lady asking if we could send a carton of cigarettes for our son. I don't smoke, so I asked her if that was even legal to do! Naive, I know, but I was clueless. Then I asked her if the $40 cash we left for son's incidentals was already spent and she said that it was. So, I told her okay, I would do it.

Husband says no. He says he lost his grandpa and dad to cigarettes and he doesn't feel good providing them to son. I understand where he is coming from, I truly do. However, I see the cigs as the lesser of the 2 evils and would rather it be cigs son is smoking than heroin.

Also, when we dropped son off that day, he mentioned he only had 2 cigs left and could we go get him a pack before we left. I looked at intake lady and before I could say anything she said, "We deal with one addiction at a time," and husband went to get the cigs then.

It didn't occur to me at that point to inquire about how he would get cigs after that. I'm just wondering if intake lady would have told us that she'd be calling periodically and asking us to send cigs, if husband would have agreed then. He's not home right now, I'll have to ask him that.

I'm sure there's no right or wrong, just opinions, but I'd love to hear what anyone thinks. Maybe husband's opinion has already changed too, I'll find out when he gets home.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy 4th!

I hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th of July!

Once again, I thank each of you for your comments to my last post. It gives me encouragement and support, along with me knowing that I'm not alone. Your comments are priceless to me and I appreciate that you take the time~ I truly do.

I think we are doing pretty darn good! We are heading up to our cabin tonight, a place where we always feel peaceful. Looking forward to that.

I called to check on son yesterday and they said that he made it through detoxing and they are pleased with how he is working his program. They said he's so polite and a real joy to have around. We'll be going down at the end of this month for family time, after his 30 days are up. If all goes well, we'll see him receive his 30 day chip.

I'm trying to just stay in the moment. I'm not awfulizing about what could or might happen. I know the 3 C's, I know this is all up to him. I wish he would've wanted recovery before he had jail looming over his head too (I think Lou mentioned this) I also wish more than anything that he wasn't a drug addict too. I wish a lot of things, but I keep going back to the 3 C's and my only hope at this juncture is that the threat of jail is enough for him to take this seriously. Everyone's bottom is different and I have no idea what his is.

I do believe, no matter what, that some seeds are being planted during his time in this recovery center. That's about all I can hope and pray for.

For now, we've reached that balance of remaining carefully optimistic. Hoping for the best but mentally prepared for the worst (while not dwelling on the worst). It's a hard balance to achieve, but we are doing our best- just as we hope our son is doing.

Filled with hope,