Wednesday, August 26, 2009

30 days left

30 days left of my son's 90 day program. Yikes. I know he's working on his exit plan, and I know that I don't have control over what that entails. I'm just hoping that he decides to stay down there a bit longer, or go out of state where we have extended family. Those are my hopes, but this is his recovery. We'll see...

Son was chosen to go on a weekend retreat at the owner's cabin in the mountains, last weekend. Not everyone gets to go during their stay in treatment, it's definitely a privilege, and he earned it.

I felt depressed last week. It's sad that I can't be completely overjoyed with his progress. I am joyful and ever so thankful for his sobriety thus far. But, it saddens me that I have to forever remain cautiously optimistic. I feel like if I talk about how great he's doing, it'll bite me in the butt and he'll relapse. I know that part is twisted thinking- I can't really "jinx" his sobriety. Yet these feelings creep up. I guess I'm still working on finding that balance. Guess it means I have to continue working on myself.

I do have a lot to be thankful for in my life, and I need to just focus on those positive things. Which includes my son's sobriety, for today.

Monday, August 17, 2009

51 Days

That's how many days my son has sober.

I am so proud of his efforts to stay clean. We saw him yesterday and he continues to make progress. He's opening up more and it's really noticeable how that is helping him in his recovery. He's now one of the "senior" residents at his home and is therefore called upon to help guide the newcomers. The house manager and our son have an awesome mutual respect for each other and it's a joy to see.

I am realistic about relapse. But, I'm choosing to not focus on that because #1, it hasn't happened yet and #2, it serves no purpose for me to worry about it.

I think I'm most impressed that son is very genuine about his feelings and recovery. He doesn't gloss over anything. He doesn't claim to have this licked, he knows it's life long recovery. He calls his sponsor A LOT. He prays for God to help with his obsession to use. I could go on and on...

He makes me proud and I love him so very much!