Sunday, September 27, 2009

It happened...

He relapsed. 85 days in recovery, and he's now back to square one.

I'm too tired to blog my thoughts. Plus, you all know how I feel. Sad, angry, disappointed, overwhelmed, confused, and so on... But, you know what? I'm also thankful for a few things- like the fact that he was not home when he relapsed, and that he came clean to his house manager about relapsing, and I'm thankful that he's safe.

I will not give up hope and I will never give up on my son. I will, however, work on taking things one day at a time, maybe it will soften the next blow. To me, it's like hearing a loved one's cancer has come back- you always know it's a possibility but you're still devastated to hear that it's actually happened. There's no way around that.

Thanks for listening and thank you for all your last comments- I so appreciate the support, input and sharing from all of you- it helps- A LOT.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Last weekend my two sons got together and spent the whole weekend together. This feels like progress. They haven't spent that much time together for over a year. I am proud of myself- I only texted one time- just to make sure #1 son arrived. I will admit that I picked up my phone 3 more times over the weekend to call and see how they were doing, but I didn't call- I let them be.

Other good news, son has decided to stay with the program for another 30 days. He's already moved into another house with more privileges. Next step is a job... kind of hard to do without a phone and vehicle, but he'll have to figure that out.

I thank God for the work He is doing on me and in my heart.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Thought for today

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

What I said never changed anybody; what they understood did.
--Paul. P.

"How often have we given our all to change somebody else? How frantically have we tried to force a loved one to see the light? How hopelessly have we watched a destructive pattern - perhaps a pattern we know well from personal experience - bring terrible pain to someone who is dear to us?

All of us have.

We would do anything to save the people we love. In our desperation, we imagine that if we say just the right words in just the right way, our loved ones will understand.

If change happens, we think our efforts have succeeded.

If change doesn't happen, we think our efforts have failed. But neither is true. Even our best efforts don't have the power to change someone else. Nor do we have that responsibility. People are only persuaded by what they understand. And they, as we, can understand a deeper truth only when it is their time to grow toward deeper understanding. Not before.

Today, I will focus on changing myself and entrust those I love to the Higher Power who loves them even more than I do."

There was a time when I didn't "get" the above message. I thought I was unique, or that my son was, and that I truly could change him if I could just get him to "hear" me. Oh boy. I'm happy to say that I no longer believe I have that power. But, old habits die hard, and I do have to remind myself of this when certain thoughts start creeping in. My son will be out of his treatment center in about a week and I'm having to really remember that this is HIS recovery and journey and that I have my own. I pray that God continues to guide me on the healthy path that He already has me on....