Inspirational Prayer of the Day

Monday, May 11, 2009

Thanks for the support

I'm so grateful for all of your comments. I really appreciate the support and encouragement to get through these dark times. It does help to know that I'm not alone.

I was so hoping for a phone call or text on Mother's Day, but, nothing. It's strange because I'm not personally hurt, rather, I thought what a good "excuse" for him to make a quick call~at least we'd know he's okay. Sunday was exactly 3 weeks since I've heard his voice. Then, upon returning home from a weekend at our cabin, we had a message that someone heard from him and he's staying at a motel in a nearby town--great. Looks like the couch surfing has come to an end. Hearing about this motel thing put me in complete panic and awfulizing mode. A total setback. Hearing this was worse than him not calling.

We had planned on making the Nar-anon meeting on our way back into town, but hit traffic and missed it. Boy, we sure could have used it! I know that we have to get back into a routine of going, as it does help a great deal in living with this pain.

As hubby and I were talking about son today, he mentioned how son is on his own journey and we have to accept that. For some reason his use of the word, "journey," really bothered me. I guess because that word automatically makes me think of a fun trip. A journey. I see him on a downward spiral more than on a journey.... I usually don't get hung up on things like this. Although I've been like that all day today- like a ping pong ball- first I'm peaceful and trusting God, then I'm frantic and riddled with anxiety and worry. I hate days like this. I want more calm. I want to really FEEL my faith. I put my son in God's hands every day and I want to leave it like that. I torture my own self with my thoughts.

Tomorrow will be better, right?!?! It will, I trust that it will.

I'm off to read your comments again and sign up to follow all of your blogs!
Blessings to all,
ChaiLatte

9 comments:

  1. It WILL get better. You are right about that. One of the blogs that I follow, JUST FOR TODAY - LEVERAGING THE TOOLS OF AL-ANON, has a quote posted that says,"It will either work out...or...it will work out." That quote always stays with me because one way or another, it will work out.

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  2. I call it a journey too. Because it is journey of our kids trying this and trying that...trying to find their way. They are making their own path. Take care of yourself, go to meetings, and I light a candle for my daughter everyday. I have a little spot I made...I call it my "shrine." lol But I have her picture there, a little statue of "The Great Father of All" (Jesus) holding a baby, another of Mary (the mother of all) holding a baby, a framed little old copy of The Lord's Prayer....and a candle. It sounds weird, I am sure, but it makes me feel better.

    The gift of Alanon is learning to be at peace despite what my addict may or may not be doing.

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  3. Thanks, Gin, that's a great quote! I keep a little notebook with such things, and that quote will definitely go in there. Very helpful!

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  4. Hi Annette, I have a similar "shrine" on my bookcase- so I don't think it's weird at all! I find it comforting and a reminder that my son (and your daughter) are truly in God's hands.

    As far as the word "journey," it is their journey and I don't know why I had a hard time with that word yesterday! Actually, what I'm learning about myself is that when I'm having a hard day, I will find something to get angry about and for some reason yesterday it was that word! lol, crazy, I know! Anger is based from fear, and of course I have fear in regards to my son. Rather than feel that fear, I find something else and switch my emotion to anger... I'm going to have to work on that...

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  5. Hi, I found you through MOM and DAD, I use my blog to vent and that makes me feel better, I don't feel like I am always whining to other people. I feel I can say anything here. I also don't like the word journey, I use BINGE that way I feel that a Binge has an end and I'm hoping for a good end. and I hope the best for you.

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  6. Dear ChaiLatte, it is a journey. Not all journeys are fun though, and your son might have to get to the bottom of the downward spiral, before he can start his journey up. Others say it so well, that you have to let him have his journey. I think the only thing you can do is to make sure you're there with support if and when he finally starts the journey of recovery. Don't ever stop loving him! My parents did that, and I still havent recovered from that, despite recovering from the heroin addiction. My heart goes out to you.

    K x

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  7. It seems like a journey that has dangers as well as a smooth road, trolls and monsters, as well as angels and fairy god mothers. We each have a journey and a destiny. Our paths may not be the same. I hope that your son will come to realize that the road can lead to peace and serenity. Hang in there. And I like what Fishwhiskers has to say. She knows the path and what the journey was like.

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  8. Thank you, mother of da, Fishwhiskers & Syd~ I appreciate your comments. Binge is how I see it, too. But, yes, he most definitely is on his own journey as we all are. I pray so hard for his to be a happy one. I do love him so deeply, which is why I hurt like I do. I won't ever stop loving him, Fishwhiskers- that I can promise you. No matter the lifestyle he is choosing or caught up in, I will never stop loving, nor give up hope- NEVER EVER. We are always here for him when he chooses to get help and that's the one thing I do feel good about, is that he knows that. I just wish I saw him more~ I simply miss him.
    Thanks again,
    ChaiLatte

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  9. Fishwhiskers, I meant to add that I'm so proud and happy for you that you recovered from your addiction- you give me hope! I'm always open to anything you want to share... I'm headed into work, but I'll try to start a new topic and hopefully you can give me feedback, as I have something on my mind...

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