I'm so grateful for all of your comments. I really appreciate the support and encouragement to get through these dark times. It does help to know that I'm not alone.
I was so hoping for a phone call or text on Mother's Day, but, nothing. It's strange because I'm not personally hurt, rather, I thought what a good "excuse" for him to make a quick call~at least we'd know he's okay. Sunday was exactly 3 weeks since I've heard his voice. Then, upon returning home from a weekend at our cabin, we had a message that someone heard from him and he's staying at a motel in a nearby town--great. Looks like the couch surfing has come to an end. Hearing about this motel thing put me in complete panic and awfulizing mode. A total setback. Hearing this was worse than him not calling.
We had planned on making the Nar-anon meeting on our way back into town, but hit traffic and missed it. Boy, we sure could have used it! I know that we have to get back into a routine of going, as it does help a great deal in living with this pain.
As hubby and I were talking about son today, he mentioned how son is on his own journey and we have to accept that. For some reason his use of the word, "journey," really bothered me. I guess because that word automatically makes me think of a fun trip. A journey. I see him on a downward spiral more than on a journey.... I usually don't get hung up on things like this. Although I've been like that all day today- like a ping pong ball- first I'm peaceful and trusting God, then I'm frantic and riddled with anxiety and worry. I hate days like this. I want more calm. I want to really FEEL my faith. I put my son in God's hands every day and I want to leave it like that. I torture my own self with my thoughts.
Tomorrow will be better, right?!?! It will, I trust that it will.
I'm off to read your comments again and sign up to follow all of your blogs!
Blessings to all,
5 weeks ago