Hesitation

I hesitate to blog, but I'm going to anyway.

My son came home last night! His voice on the phone is always music to my ears and hugging him is even better- I'm sorry but I just can't help but love on him. I stand 5'9", but my hubby and sons are all 6'3-ish. They all hug good and I feel like everything is right in the world while in their arms.

My son wants to "try and do the right thing again." I know he wants help, I hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. BUT......... I also know the pull of addiction. We've been down this road before. He'll be great for about 4 days, then things will get too rough for him (cravings) and he'll most likely bolt.

The difference this time is I'm not trying to fix him, I'm not worried that what I say or don't say will influence his sobriety. I don't feel that panic. I'm just enjoying these few days with him, however long they will last. We are going up to our cabin for Christmas, so he'll be with us for a week, but once we return back here he may just take off again.

Thank you all so much for your comments. Here's hoping we all have a magical Christmas and a most blessed New Year with lots of great things to come for us and our loved ones.

My Cat

Most of you can relate to the fog that we sometimes find ourselves in when dealing with addiction in our families. Some days I feel really on top of my game and other days, not so much. For the most part I'm doing well and attending meetings weekly.

I'll share a little story...

The other day I was doing something in the backyard and saw our cat heading towards me, he was coming from the woods. I called his name and opened the gate for him. He was coming towards me with gusto and enthusiasm, when something distracted him and he didn't even stop and contemplate me any further, he just changed his path and appeared to be on a mission- in the opposite direction. I stood there with the gate still open, feeling sad because basically our cat never comes "home," anymore.

We did a major remodel a year ago, I moved up to our cabin during this time and hubby pretty much lived in the remodel mess. Needless to say, the noise of the building didn't sit real well with our cat and he was soon spending time at the neighbor's house. The neighbor and I talked and she was happy to have him there. He's always been an independent cat and I really didn't stress about the matter.

Fast forward 6 months, the remodel done- and countless times we've tried to get our cat to come into the house and he's not taking to it! I was heart broken and guess what? Being the good codie that I am, I felt extremely guilty that my cat no longer had a home. But, he did have a home, he just wasn't interested in being there!

Back to the other day as I stood there holding the gate open for my cat to, once again, come home- I felt the tears well up, not for my beloved cat so much, but for my son. You see, my son has also returned "home," but will not actually "come home." He's been in our town since Thanksgiving and we haven't heard from him since his car ride up here on the 24th. We just assumed we'd be seeing him. I've seen some activity on a social networking site, so I know he's still here. I just miss him. I'm not taking it personal that he's not seeing us, I know his addiction is keeping him from us.

Just like my cat, my son has always been easily distracted from the path he needs to be on...